to all the men i've loved before

you beat me down with your bitter lies, your rationalizations of what was, the excuses for your behavior. i never asked for niceties, just for you to be honest. you couldn't even be honest with yourself. my guilt has run out, the reasons why i stayed, knowing that you could never be what i needed you to be. and perhaps i was different then, less of a clue of who i was than where i was going. with age i see our faults, and looking back doesn't hurt as much as it used to. my sadness comes from making the same mistakes that i've made with you, learning is always such a battle. i've loved you and hated you, the line sometimes indistinguishable. it's time to let go of you, the memories (of which i tend to only remember the happy ones), the pain. life goes on, mine without you. i've found peace in that, and no longer fear being alone. i'm thanking you for everything you taught me, the good times that we shared, and the pain we caused each other. we would not be who we are now without the past. all lines will cross again, and i wonder if when that happens, will we recognize who we were once in who we will be then?