It has been 3 years, 9 months, 24 days since I last wrote in my blog. Looking back over those three years, I can see how this would fall to the wayside. Life happens, especially when you're busy creating and nurturing more life.
It has been 3 years, 2 days since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. One of the more emotional days of my life, but in the end, one of the more blessed as well. Out of fear comes courage. I found that.
It has been 2 years, 3 months, 2 days since the day my daughter was born. I have never felt more powerful than I did on that day.
It has been 11 months, 8 days since I broke up with the father of my child. Love comes in many forms, but not for us. Not how it should be to go forward.
It has been 3 months, 8 days since I moved back in with the parents to get my feet on the ground. Now to figure out where to go from here.
Life happens and it happens when we're not paying attention. One moment I was writing about finding love and endless possibilities, now I'm writing about grains of sand through the hourglass. It happened in a blink. All of a sudden I have a two year old, my life is in a small state of upheaval, and I have only flashes of clarity in what remains of my brain.
In some small, momentous ways, life has moved forward for me, and in others, I'm right back where I started. The question becomes 'what have I learned from this'. I have answers for that, not all, but some. I have learned that I'm stronger than even I could have given myself credit for. I have learned that I don't have all the answers, that I can make them up as I go. I have learned that walls that are built brick-by-brick can be taken down the same way. I have learned that sometimes it's better not to define with labels what happens, but to let things happen organically. I have learned that who I actually am is a work in progress. I am learning to remember what parts of me I liked at certain points and to bring that back around again.
I'm starting over. Again. And I'm finding that I like it. Especially with a cute two year old partner in crime.
1 comment:
I want to tell you that you write very eloquently. I feel as though you have put a lot of thought into your concise phrasing. You leave me wanting more, much more: What happened between you and the father? Were you together when your daughter was born? If so, was your relationship meaningfull for the year it lasted? What are your views on moving forward? I had a hard time coming from a similar situation. I suppose you have much to write about... yet very little time to put it down. The life of a single mother is hard but is richer and more fullfilling than my old life. Please continue to share your thoughts I'm interested in your story.
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