They tell you when you are little that words can't hurt you. They tell you this because they know that what they are telling you isn't true. Words hurt. Words can cut, slice, make you bleed. Words, when designed to hurt, can hurt years later after the initial pain has passed, upon remembering, to open the wound fresh. Words leave behind emotional scars that never truly go away. It doesn't matter how much time has passed, how different your life is now, they stick and come up when you don't expect.
I know this best because of the words that I have said, or held myself back from saying. I know the words that can break someone, make them feel small, unimportant, worthless. From the depths I can pull someone's weakest moment, their worst fear, their shame, and turn it against them. I don't say this because I'm proud of it. I say this because I'm not. It's odd really, how much power words hold over people. And more power still when knowing a person's weakness.
With age comes maturity and the wisdom to know that even though I have the capability of being that person, it's harder and far more rewarding to not be. I think back to the words that have hurt me, that shaped the person I am today, and there's great sadness there. There comes a time to let go. I am buried by words that hurt; the guilt of saying them and the pain of receiving them.
It's time to start fresh, to try on a positive outlook (and hope to god it fits). Life is hard enough without carrying all this old baggage with me. I want to send it away on the ocean tide and wash myself clean. 2010 is a new year. It's a great year for starting fresh, starting over, starting anew. I can't wait.
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